I have never to my knowledge in my adult life stood on dogshit. Yet as a child I found myself with dogshit permanently stuck to the sole of my shoe. Is dog shit child magnetic? Maybe if they take out this magnetic active ingredient in dog shit they can study it, and take this child magnetism link in the dna make up of the dog turd, and eventually use it to check DNA strands of child molesters for the same afore-mentioned ingredient, thus preventing child molestation. A similar theory would work for cow fuckers Im sure. Cows are attracted way too much to those electric fences. They just lean on them and shit away. Maybe we should run an electric current through the cow fuckers body to cure him. Now see! We can all think like crazy Republican Americans. Lets shoot some guns in the air and put on white hoods. And fuck some cows abviously. On a stump. Cos if u dont have a cow fucking stump you better have one on lay away.

U know what sux about playing guitar? That you never have enough guitar accessories and guitar accessories are expensive. Solution: Rob old ladies of the drugs they are smuggling into the country and sell them yourself, thus providing you with enough money for a mesa boogie triple rectifier with multiple foot switching and a fender fucking strat! Now all you need to play guitar is :

6 strings

numerous plectrums of large and small thicknesses

A fuck lot of pedals

Two working minimum ten foot long leads

A slide

A string winder

A capo

An acoustic just in case you feel an acoustic urge

A sheet of paper to write down whatever shit youre playing that you think is good

A computer with connection to the internet to get guitar tabs

About 400 guitar magazines

A chord dictionary

A recording/sampling pedal type thingy

A strap

See?????? Guitar shop owners are screwing guitarists all over the world!
And U wanna know why? Cos Women are also screwing guitarists all over the world.

So dont forget to stick it to the man by sticking it to your woman.

I once lost bladder control in the middle of pissing myself.

Im offta america soon. Maybe Ill continue to blog, just so ppl can spot if I stop being able to talk shite at some stage.
Speaking of which,
shiteshiteshiteshite

White Stripes win Medal in Special Olympics!

Yeah! And when pressed for an interview Jack white left us at sixes and sevens with his beautiful vocal prose stylings.
"Well Jack, are you pleased at winning a medal in the special olympics for maintaining bladder control through out the whole opening ceremony?"
"Well, buh buh dah reeeeccctttttuuuuummmmmmm...... like public media perceptron dumdeedlehate. I am as talented as a dead pube deedle dee smeggle."
Yes, he certainly is a shit.

If u could really really exact a horrible revenge on someone how would you do it? Would you even really do it? Who would you do it too? I would like to hang that little drool ridden chipmunk jack white from his bellybutton with a big rusty hook till his intestines fell out. I was tricked, duped and lied to about the whole thing. So I actually bought the album, Elephant, which I have listened to now a good 5 times, thinking, "Oh it might get better". you know, telling youself you haven't just wasted money on a turd in the box of an album? Well. I have. Aside from yer man's voice, which I can see a lotta people would be into, he plays guitar like a moron who can barely string 2 power chords in succession, I mean there's six strings on a guitar man. Thats two more notes than you need. And what is with those drums. repetitive dull thumping never sounded so repetitive and dull. And she cant sing either. And its painfully obvious they are desperate to be recognised in a similar vein as the pixies. But they're not. Cos the white stripes haven't produced anything of note since Jack White shat out a piece of lego when he was three. Where as the pixies have influenced in some way just about every major respectible band around. And then they sell good from their first weird and shit album and suddenly everybody has to be in love with them. So they get even weirder than they already were, I mean fair enough, they don't know if they're siblings who fuck or whatever, but I dont care, and I dont think the world fucking should care if the two little tossers fuck each other or not. I mean if they came from the same womb it would be surely easier to eliminate the source of this virus. And that bunch of complete tools that actually think that an album as blaringly obviously shit and then write about in popular magazines tricking people to actually buy the wanked off pile of pigeon bile, and still no-one has copped on. And dont tell me that fucking lego video was innovative, cos I made better men out of lego than that when I was 4. Yeah.
That album gets 4 stars.