No strings attached.

Whispy clouds garnished the sky as I lay there with my eyes shut. Vivid blobs of red floating across my eyelids from the piercing blades of the sun. If only I could get her out of my head. Just looking back, and man, I was treated so badly. I was treated with so much disrespect. I never knew anyone could scream so much. It shocked me.

So I had to stop her.

Just two days later though, they came. I know it was bad before, but at least I had control. If I wanted to walk, I could walk, if I wanted to talk I could talk.
Just since it has happened I have become delighted with life. Its like a holiday that must end soon. And you dont want to sit by the pool forlorn and just wait to go home, you want to enjoy every last second and every little experience.
Because I know I'm going to end it soon.
I often wonder how nobody could ever notice. How nobody could ever see the strings attached. I often even hear their voices too. But so far nobody has said anything, a living doll.

When I brush my teeth its them, above me, pulling the strings. They control me. I have my mind still, but its a powerless dominion, for a man to have his mind, and heart and soul, and not be able to move his mouth to speak, or move his legs to run. I am a watcher now. Everything I do, I am an observer. They tell me what to say, they control my feet from above. They tell me how to dress, when to sleep, when to eat. I am a prisoner in my own head.
I envy so much the prisoners of autism, lost in a world they invented and created, they are gods in their own reality. I am less than a slave. My whole life is a plaything for an unknown controller since that day.
And I never saw them coming. When I fell asleep I was free, when I awoke, the strings and voices. They were in complete control. I had to relearn how to walk. I couldnt move. Gulliver in Lilliput.
The first days were the worst. They were out of practice (Am I their first victim?) And they knew nothing of my needs. The smell of piss and shit and emaciation and stale blood clung to me for weeks till they let me shower.
I find it so funny that nobody ever notices. I see the strings they rule me with, a human puppet, how ridiculous. I hear their voices, arguing above me, ever watchful, ever disdainful of my existence. But nobody ever notices.

I dream of the day they will let me die. The thought of just one slip from a razor, when they let the strings slack. I dream of the day I get a limb free, when the string eventually wears and breaks, and the chance, just one chance to escape this. I dream of the day they let me control my mouth, like they are promising. But its only the end approaching. My murder will free me. So until then, I must taste my last of life, a life without a body. But every day until then, every limb is controlled in a vice grip. My mouth snapped too tight.
Only life left here, no human.