When I sleep I can hear vampire bats sleeping on babies. The babies are quiet enough now. But it's been 20 years. Those babies haven't grown. Hold me.
dumbass.
Was up late last night thinking about the "Things that can suck my balls" card. A card isnt large enough. Or else I need to generalise. I'll try and generalise, because there's nothing more satisfying than handing someone a card telling them to go SUCK MY BALLS.
So. Lemme see. How to generalise... The World can suck my balls? Maybe a list of things that dont have to suck my balls would be shorter.... People who make/get me/have gottten me munchies, beer, porn, illegal narcotics, and good music do not, yet have to suck my balls. All others, I may call in the ball suckage at any time, in any place.
So. Lemme see. How to generalise... The World can suck my balls? Maybe a list of things that dont have to suck my balls would be shorter.... People who make/get me/have gottten me munchies, beer, porn, illegal narcotics, and good music do not, yet have to suck my balls. All others, I may call in the ball suckage at any time, in any place.
No seriously though. When God made Jamie Oliver he was taking the piss right? A mockney cockney horrendous drummer with a poofy little haircut who tells people how to put shit in a pan and heat it with something. How did stone-age monkey moron man fall into a kitchen and then some how figure out how to speak, some sort of rarely understood ancient toss dialect, and then they started to film the FUCKER? and Pay him money? If u pay me like you pay him I could live in a pre-historic cave everynight to practice drooling and smearing feces on the wall with my bare hands like that stove puppet.I think I've seen cows that are more intelligent than him. And I dont mean some sort of angeldust supercow, I mean a big fuck off BSE ridden slightly dumb drooling slackjawed cow with a vague homosexual air about her.
Final Year Project Suggestions Marathon begins now! I need help People!
Suggest defecation and the decaying process of human waste by shitting in your lecturer's mouth.
Suggest human/cheese interaction formalities and implications by pulling down his pants, and removing his smegma and whatever else with a pencil sharpener.
Patriarchal mating situations in the wild by sleeping with him/her for an A, B, C, D or just for the sex if you're a real mingpuppet.
The diagramatical context ridden world in which we live, or, in other words, get a small bunch of sadist neo-nazi's to carve a swastika on his head and then repeatedly anally rape him for 17 hours with every Hairbrush and hot iron the Brown Thomas Hair Brush and Hot Iron for torture department has to offer.
Suggest defecation and the decaying process of human waste by shitting in your lecturer's mouth.
Suggest human/cheese interaction formalities and implications by pulling down his pants, and removing his smegma and whatever else with a pencil sharpener.
Patriarchal mating situations in the wild by sleeping with him/her for an A, B, C, D or just for the sex if you're a real mingpuppet.
The diagramatical context ridden world in which we live, or, in other words, get a small bunch of sadist neo-nazi's to carve a swastika on his head and then repeatedly anally rape him for 17 hours with every Hairbrush and hot iron the Brown Thomas Hair Brush and Hot Iron for torture department has to offer.
If anyone else has a desire for a cheese name u can just email me. If u look below the posts, you will see my name. If you were to be able to maneuvre the mouse over the name then click your mouse you would receive the manna of Email privileges.Hare hare Krishna krishna hare krishna krishna.
Dumbass.
Dumbass.
I am a 46% mutant 31% gay experimenter according to the spark, and I would rather play with bubble wrap for 17 hours straight than do any more of the spark.com's online tests no matter how psychologically accurate they ball licking well are. I mean really. No. Really. Look we've all been there. But have you ever stopped and wondered just how useful it is to find out how gay you are, or what percentage of a mutant you are???? Why does it even exist? I can see something in thespark.com's future. Fires. Started by sane people. As in someone who isnt from america and who drinks beer the odd time(If you're american this means an alcoholic.) And for fuck sake, no, I dont want to know how gay my friends are or get your wonderful weekly email keeping me up to date at everything going on at your tool of a website. Just burn in a feiry pit for all eternity.Art related to the topic
So feminism. Can we confuse the issue anymore? Let me see. Women want men to: treat them equally and not laugh when they cant pee standing up.And now they can wear our clothes but we cant wear theirs? Ive seen the future man. The future is a lesbian in combats and a bowler hat taking a slash standing up in a back alley singing "I am woman hear me roar" handing out pamphlets saying that no man can understand how superior women are until they have menstruated or had babies. There's the real source of all evil. Well I got news for you. We can fight back. Just by learning off this small list of things to say should you meet this woman.
1. Shut up and evolve. You bitch.
2. Please get up. I'm sorry (after smacking her in the head with a glass bottle that's full of your own cum and then stabbing her 437 times with a knife smeared in your own shit.)
3. Isn't abortion a geat idea?
4. Isn't the way women stay home and look after babies a great idea?
5. Isnt the fact that Emporio armani are now making clothes for overweight poor stay at home moms and their life partner of minimal signifance to you? You ugly badly dressed freak.
6. Uh... I hate to rain on your shit parade. But some people have real problems. Like hunger, famine, suicide, war and being near you, you insufferably large disgusting postule bursting on the surface of some freak planet far away from here where your kind are welcome you psuedo Nazi bitch from hell.
7. I think Germaine Greer's writing is flawed on numerous fundamental levels. But she's a real fine thing. I mean those tits...
8. I used to be a non-feminist. I thought women's place was in the home. Then I met you. Now I'm gay.
1. Shut up and evolve. You bitch.
2. Please get up. I'm sorry (after smacking her in the head with a glass bottle that's full of your own cum and then stabbing her 437 times with a knife smeared in your own shit.)
3. Isn't abortion a geat idea?
4. Isn't the way women stay home and look after babies a great idea?
5. Isnt the fact that Emporio armani are now making clothes for overweight poor stay at home moms and their life partner of minimal signifance to you? You ugly badly dressed freak.
6. Uh... I hate to rain on your shit parade. But some people have real problems. Like hunger, famine, suicide, war and being near you, you insufferably large disgusting postule bursting on the surface of some freak planet far away from here where your kind are welcome you psuedo Nazi bitch from hell.
7. I think Germaine Greer's writing is flawed on numerous fundamental levels. But she's a real fine thing. I mean those tits...
8. I used to be a non-feminist. I thought women's place was in the home. Then I met you. Now I'm gay.
One thing that pisses me off about god is that he doesn't exist. I mean really. God. So if God does in fact exist, benign creator of our universe, where was he before the universe was here? Surely he had to be from a different dimension. That's like the only real explanation right? So on that other dimension, was he a complete son of a bitch and thats why he was kicked out, or was he a brave traveller or perhaps he got lost on a pizza delivery? I think God is like the BFG. Sort of a wimpy giant that built us to control us. But you dont know. Maybe one day some trillions of years ago some really really really incomparably massive guy rimmed out with the dregs of his pee, and we are just stemmed from urine on the floor of a ludicrously enormous clandestine public jacks. And just because you believe in god, you have to believe in:
1. Pre-historic inter dimensional time travel
2. That God is a fictional character written by Roald Dahl
3. That Kurt Cobain isn't in heaven
4. That he didnt do Mary.
5. That he and Jesus and the Holy spirit are in fact the same person. Right. What about when one of them wants a wank?
6. That some divine heavenly body has control over everything and yet Paramount comedy channel and the white stripes exist. oh and hitler and famine and that other shit too.
1. Pre-historic inter dimensional time travel
2. That God is a fictional character written by Roald Dahl
3. That Kurt Cobain isn't in heaven
4. That he didnt do Mary.
5. That he and Jesus and the Holy spirit are in fact the same person. Right. What about when one of them wants a wank?
6. That some divine heavenly body has control over everything and yet Paramount comedy channel and the white stripes exist. oh and hitler and famine and that other shit too.
Which cheese would you be?
Diane Gordon: Dauphin gordonzola
Nick: Canadian Cheddar
Sarah Madden: Sardo Monterray Jack
Cormac Daly: Capricorn Goat Danish Blue
Kevin Normoyle: Knockalara Neufchatel
Cian O' Sullivan: Cairphilly O' Seriously strong cheddar.
All cheese names provided by: Cheese.com
Diane Gordon: Dauphin gordonzola
Nick: Canadian Cheddar
Sarah Madden: Sardo Monterray Jack
Cormac Daly: Capricorn Goat Danish Blue
Kevin Normoyle: Knockalara Neufchatel
Cian O' Sullivan: Cairphilly O' Seriously strong cheddar.
All cheese names provided by: Cheese.com
Most Boring sites on the internet!
slippers.com
The American concrete institute
The official website of doncaster rovers
Realtor.com
The official website of A Knight's tale
slippers.com
The American concrete institute
The official website of doncaster rovers
Realtor.com
The official website of A Knight's tale
Do you guys know that those women dont know that we play little games when we pee?
So anyway, I dont know how the conversation came up but it's not just me, not this time.
Yes we:
1. Like to corrode as much of the urinal cake as possible py spraying directly on it.
2. Try to last longer than the flush/ guy next to you.
3. Try to finish before the flush/guy next to you/campus security van salivating at the sight of liquid removal from nobbage.
editorial note: Vans dont salivate
4. Try to oscillate little streams as widely as possible without hitting the toilet seat.
5. Try to oscillate little streams as widely as possible whilst hitting the toilet seat.
6. Try to oscillate little streams as widely as possible whilst spinning around in the bath with a swimming cap on.
But it stands to reason that girls dont play pee games. I dont think even they know where their pee comes from. Like the mystery of pandora's box. The hole in the hole?
Could someone please tell me how girls pee?
So anyway, I dont know how the conversation came up but it's not just me, not this time.
Yes we:
1. Like to corrode as much of the urinal cake as possible py spraying directly on it.
2. Try to last longer than the flush/ guy next to you.
3. Try to finish before the flush/guy next to you/campus security van salivating at the sight of liquid removal from nobbage.
editorial note: Vans dont salivate
4. Try to oscillate little streams as widely as possible without hitting the toilet seat.
5. Try to oscillate little streams as widely as possible whilst hitting the toilet seat.
6. Try to oscillate little streams as widely as possible whilst spinning around in the bath with a swimming cap on.
But it stands to reason that girls dont play pee games. I dont think even they know where their pee comes from. Like the mystery of pandora's box. The hole in the hole?
Could someone please tell me how girls pee?
I am an ugly miniature limerick, him starfishes the manner of sucking can it asses that to sanctify water one washes.
I know its a strange sentence, but there are people on internet translaters right now getting stuff like this in place of important things that make sense like: I am a miniatuire ass goblin from limerick who likes to touch asses once they have been washed in holy water. You know. Everyday conversation.
I know its a strange sentence, but there are people on internet translaters right now getting stuff like this in place of important things that make sense like: I am a miniatuire ass goblin from limerick who likes to touch asses once they have been washed in holy water. You know. Everyday conversation.
This post I donate generously to this glorious translator
Words to remember if you're ever stuck in a lift with a flatulent italian donkey, and you do not have a wireless broadband internet connection at the end of whatever you're smoking, freak.
English : You are a flatulent italian donkey. Please leave this elevator and never return
Italian : Siete un asino italiano flatulent. Lasci prego questo elevatore e mai non rinvii.
just so you dont say something you dont actually mean to the little Italian donkey who cannot in fact speak english or italian, I translated it back into english again. Now we're really seeing the amazing artificially intelligent powers of internet language translators:
English again:You are an Italian ass flatulent. Lasci I never pray this elevator and not dismissals
Now, French: Vous êtes un âne italien flatulent. I ne prient jamais ces ascenseur et pas renvois
German: Sie sind ein italienischer Esel voll Blähungen. I bitten nie diesen Aufzug und nicht Verweise
And now, once more in english: They are full an Italian donkey blowing. I never ask this elevator and not references.
Words to remember if you're ever stuck in a lift with a flatulent italian donkey, and you do not have a wireless broadband internet connection at the end of whatever you're smoking, freak.
English : You are a flatulent italian donkey. Please leave this elevator and never return
Italian : Siete un asino italiano flatulent. Lasci prego questo elevatore e mai non rinvii.
just so you dont say something you dont actually mean to the little Italian donkey who cannot in fact speak english or italian, I translated it back into english again. Now we're really seeing the amazing artificially intelligent powers of internet language translators:
English again:You are an Italian ass flatulent. Lasci I never pray this elevator and not dismissals
Now, French: Vous êtes un âne italien flatulent. I ne prient jamais ces ascenseur et pas renvois
German: Sie sind ein italienischer Esel voll Blähungen. I bitten nie diesen Aufzug und nicht Verweise
And now, once more in english: They are full an Italian donkey blowing. I never ask this elevator and not references.
"But I dont have any cheese man!" and thats all I said. OK so you walk to the fridge, to get that one last emergancy beer that you've been hiding for like 3 hours, just to top off the whole night, and you come back, and you're standing up in the sitting room, and one of three things will happen.
1. someone has taken your seat.
2. Someone has burned/pissed/shat/came/pole danced in your seat.
3. Paramount comedy channel is on.
I mean I have nothing against Kelsey tetragrammaton and his lame "I'm a cut above" humour, or the sex and the city girls and their STUPID FUCKING ludicrous use of plays on words cos some moron read some book once that had one good play on words joke now we have to torture the world for centuries with this shit. It should be on for 4 seconds a day, A show called "Dharma and Greg and Frasier and Roseanne and Will and Grace and Becker and Bob and Margeret and Ellen and Raymond all in the many personalities of a girl called Seinfeld." It would be about one 40 year old teenage bald fat attractive skinny fat lesbian homosexual straight single married guy who works as a priest in a popular fashion magazine that specialises in law and alternative healing whose going out with a young middleaged sexually free slutty virgin girl from 1991 who just wants to grow up a bit so she can be a bigger child. So anyway, This guy walks on and says "All you people are actually watching this shit. No really." And thats the whole show. I mean Surely Paramount comedy channel is in itself an oxymoron. Or perhaps it's a witty and poignant play on words where when someone says comedy they in fact mean that rather than watching this channel you should angle yourself in a shark tank, with shark hors d'oeuvres tied to your penis, and a sign translated into shark language that says "Sharks are gay and I hate sharks and Im faster than every shark and no shark could catch me and nibble on my knob whilst dismembering my body hint hint." Though I do love that delightful Caroline in the City.
1. someone has taken your seat.
2. Someone has burned/pissed/shat/came/pole danced in your seat.
3. Paramount comedy channel is on.
I mean I have nothing against Kelsey tetragrammaton and his lame "I'm a cut above" humour, or the sex and the city girls and their STUPID FUCKING ludicrous use of plays on words cos some moron read some book once that had one good play on words joke now we have to torture the world for centuries with this shit. It should be on for 4 seconds a day, A show called "Dharma and Greg and Frasier and Roseanne and Will and Grace and Becker and Bob and Margeret and Ellen and Raymond all in the many personalities of a girl called Seinfeld." It would be about one 40 year old teenage bald fat attractive skinny fat lesbian homosexual straight single married guy who works as a priest in a popular fashion magazine that specialises in law and alternative healing whose going out with a young middleaged sexually free slutty virgin girl from 1991 who just wants to grow up a bit so she can be a bigger child. So anyway, This guy walks on and says "All you people are actually watching this shit. No really." And thats the whole show. I mean Surely Paramount comedy channel is in itself an oxymoron. Or perhaps it's a witty and poignant play on words where when someone says comedy they in fact mean that rather than watching this channel you should angle yourself in a shark tank, with shark hors d'oeuvres tied to your penis, and a sign translated into shark language that says "Sharks are gay and I hate sharks and Im faster than every shark and no shark could catch me and nibble on my knob whilst dismembering my body hint hint." Though I do love that delightful Caroline in the City.
Top ten album titles 2003
10:Wonderbra for the soul
9: God is inflammible... but you're not.
8. Born with a northfacing penis
7. Refreshingly out of stale cheese
6. Requirements re-engineering
5. Your drugs cost too much
4. Remember my smegma
3. Goldfish in a microwave.
2. Leave Goldfish alone
1. Goldfish Krishna Homesick sutra blues.
10:Wonderbra for the soul
9: God is inflammible... but you're not.
8. Born with a northfacing penis
7. Refreshingly out of stale cheese
6. Requirements re-engineering
5. Your drugs cost too much
4. Remember my smegma
3. Goldfish in a microwave.
2. Leave Goldfish alone
1. Goldfish Krishna Homesick sutra blues.
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