My helpful comments for O2's web design team.

I am writing to you with the news that I am delighted, ecstatic, over-the-moon, because I no longer ever, ever have to use your horrendous website. Not ever again. And I truly and honestly am delighted by this.
For a good 4 fears of having an o2 mobile phone, and an Email account with you, I have suffered through your website (or is it websty?), for the dubious benefits of free email, and free web-texts, and I am writing to tell you that I will no longer deign to use your web portal. I know you are a large multi-national company, but I have seen vomit on O' Connell street that is designed better than your truly awful website. I have seen homeless people on heroin, reading the old testament upside-down, who would make better web developers than the ones currently flinging crap at each other in some far-off never visited, hopefully locked office at your company. I hate your website so much that you have not only lost my web business, you will also very soon be losing my billpay business, and that of anyone who asks me, purely because of this service. Doubtless you have already stopped reading this mail, because websites are expensive, and dont make you much money, so you probably dont care, but just for the hell of it I am going to give you just a small selection of the problems I have found with your site since my introduction to it.

When registering my first pre-paid phone. It didnt in fact register, or ever give me any free credit. And when I went back, week after week, to register on your stupid bastard of a site, it told me I had already registered. Even when I rang your very helpful (No sarcasm, theyare very helpful) customer care team, and they passed the problem on to the afore-mentioned low-life web development crew, my problem was never solved. Nobody ever got back to me, and your piss-poor web portal went on as normal. I know the problem was never fixed as a friend of the family had the exact problem not two months ago.
I have frequently sat down at work to check my email, and typed in www.o2.ie, or web.o2.ie, or whatever URL actually works for your expletive of a site, and waited for internet explorer's little blue bar to fill up, and time out, because your server had crashed, your website was nowhere to be seen for hours on end, or perhaps I was waiting for one of your web team to photograph their privates, or drink water from the urinal. So much so, that in my college days, I remember one particular night of playing a drinking game of trying to down a pint before your website crashes or times out. I suggest your web development team try the same with bleach.
When I once made the mistake of actually relying on your email service for business reasons, I waited some 7 hours, during which time I rang your customer care team 6 times, who continually informed me that there was no delay and your email server was not in fact down. I sent myself numerous test emails from work. Not one has ever arrived. I only hope that they found a home somewhere.
I have used your free webSMS service, and I will let you in on a secret, that obviously, your web development monkeys dont know. It doesnt F***ing work. It just doesnt f***ing work. I used it for group sms for my local soccer team for a change in training time. We didnt train that week. I dont know how many people actually got that sms, but I know for a fact that it was less than half. If I had attempted a psychic link to the lads to explain why training had to be moved, rather than your web-sms, it would have fared better. I have also frequently logged in to web-sms, had a look at my phone book, and realised that none of the numbers in the phone book are my own, but some-one elses, who is much more creative with nick-names. Hmmm.. Who needs saved phone numbers anyway?
Then I tried to use your online shop to buy a phone. I went on there and had a look, and could not for the life of me find one price. Merely a conundrum of links that brought me all over the place, but not to any phone I wanted and not to one actual price, nor to a simple explanation of how it works. Then I requested an upgrade code from the internet for my bonus upgrade. It didnt f***ing work. This sounding familiar? So I rang your still helpful customer care team, and they got me the upgrade code, and I went on to the O2 Online Shop again, ever hopeful, put in my upgrade code, and it didn't work. Couldnt avail of your online offers, couldnt buy a phone online, couldnt even look at a price. Still.
I have also spent inordinate amounts of time on hold, because apparently I typed in the password for my email account wrong three times so my account got locked out. And some genius on your web design crew decided to lock it out after three wrong log in attempts. So now when your stupid website does not realise that yes, in fact I can remember an 8 digit password and have the mental capacity to type it in, I have to ring one of your still helpful, now long suffering customer care team to unlock it. Frequently the unlock procedure that they use doesnt work, at which point I am too busy foaming at the mouth and punching walls to call in and demand to speak to the defecating monkeys who design your website, in order that I might try to understand the stupidity that goes into such a huge leap forward in the fields of ineptness and uselessness.
Design wise, I despise it. Anyone who has used an Internet browser invented in the last 3 years hates it. Your de-evolved, quite low in the food chain web team uses pop-ups. Every browser I know uses "Pop up Blockers". Guess why? Because everyone, in the whole web-based universe despises POP UPS!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!! Maybe moving the f*** on from Pop-ups after 5 years might be mentioned to someone on your web development team who might actually be able to read and write. In terms of your interface, I would rather spend my evening having my crack waxed than look for a single specific item on your site. It doesnt work. You click on one link, pop-ups fly, links are pissed up on screen randomly, text and information flies at you from all angles. The style changes on every page making it impossible to intuitively use your site.

Perhaps I am incorrect. Perhaps your website is some sort of satirical post-modern joke. It endeavours to amuse your customers with its unbalanced and ludicrous actions. Its design aimed at tricking the user into a false sense of security and then WHAM, practical joke laid. I dont know. But as a serious user of services such as hotmail, gmail, hushmail, and Quios, I have seen the alternatives, both in other communications companies, who actually took the time to find a web design team who had been introduced to a computer before, and other service providers, and I will never use your website again, and it is a large part of the reason as to why my billpay service will be switching as soon as my contract is up.
In conclusion, I would ask you to please, please, release your web team back into the wild, because I am personally opposed to all forms of imprisonment of animals. For more information on the rights of yor web team, please get in contact with PETA, and adjust your companies policy accordingly.

I thank you for your time.