And Jim Carrey in Batman forever? I mean is this the fine performance we saw in the Truman show? I think not. How many movies could be improved if actors removed the class A drugs from their nose and the designer handbags from their conversation and just tried a bit harder? Not that I watch Batman religiously. (Im not weird or anything).

George Clooney played batman badly. A tense conversation starter, but one well worth it, if you have the bones of twenty three dates to get through cos your personal sex therapist had scheduled them sequentially according to your period of greatest fertility, and obviously virility. That's not to say I'm virulent, I'm virile. Obviously. But anyway, so start a conversation with the Clooney ceist(That's an oirish word, it means giant testicles) and be assured that you could separate the wheat from the chaff and find a fine red blood of a bird, one you can turn over and start again with. I mean he was a poor performer in a role he less than relished. What would you do/say to anyone who implied otherwise? "Good day sir" I should wager, or else you could fuck up his face with a big rusty nail. But that's not what I did with my dates, Im not weird or anything, I just threatened to bite their nipples off and serve them in the restaurants fresh seafood section in oyster shells. Just for a laugh, cos the old fellas at the bar would dig it. But anyway, after enough mind games to spend a lifetime in therapy(I'm not weird or anything) I walked home with a fine filly, and in fact couldn't turn over and start her again because I had burnt my arse so badly on the lightbulb. Not that I regularly have sex with horses.(I'm not weird or anything).

That crazy Mundy fellow stage jumped at the Trinners annual Ball gala, where I was toast of the town as I was paraded through the Pale centre, naked and dancing in a large martini, whilst thousands of potato farmers lavished me in praise, particularly noticing my slightly larger than usual genitalia. Particularly interesting, considering the chill in the morning air and the icy cold dry vermouth swimming below where my shorts should be. Maybe I shouldn't have taken those pills that odd-eye looking guy at the Arch offered me for 3 euro a pop.

That's crazy talk. Punctuate how you want. Im just an oik from Oireland with a spud fetish. Actually. that's my boyfriend. He's a spud too. Everyone says Im crazy keeping a spud in my underpants, but I like to talk to it. It keeps me company on cold dark nights when Crimes scene investigates is over and Im wank-xhausted. Its not really sexual thing. More about commitment, and no I'm sorry I cant continue.

use, more, comma's, it's, important. Actually never punctuate period

Every single meat eating man alive just doesn't like to spend time and money buying ingredients to hand make their own tortilla dips. But the entire irish society is now completely based around who has the best most original and mexican sounding and tasting tortilla dip. We are now classed based on the quality of dip that we serve at our table. Last night I was tired and bought a dip from the store cos my boss was coming over from the potato factory for to interview me to be vice pres. of the foreign sales operation. Two days later, my boss had recycled his food and I was semi-retired except for the graveyard spud dig. Few foreigners actually know how deeply Irish care for their tortilla dips. It's probably a good thing too considering how good Dustin "Im a neo-nazi quasi-homosexual turkey with outrageos rightwing political beliefs" turkey has done for this country in the 21st century.

New ONION OUT!
"We've all been there. I mean, I'm hardly the only one out there having oral, vaginal, and anal sexual contact. I'm just the one who winds up with a pus-like discharge shooting out of my hoo-hoo."

Fed up with a lot of these blogs.Continually reading about someone being some sort of tortured vaguely poetic person is the single most dull thing ever. I'd rather watch a spider crying over the end of "Titanic" whilst sitting with my balls balanced on a freshly sharpened razor blade. I mean really, how far can we take these people in a modern society? Are they just gonna sit outside under a tree in a thunderstorm whining till someone gives them pie and a knife to cut themselves, so then they can tell everyone how fucked up they are and listen to the Smiths all day? There are people in the world with real problems.
As long as you can say the words"I don't take it up the back door" in 5 languages you're sorted for smoo and anger where ever you do go, expecially if that place is jail or san francisco.


No lo tomo en la puerta trasera

Ich nehme es nicht in der rückseitigen Tür

Je ne le prends pas dans la porte arrière

Non lo prendo nel portello posteriore

Eu não faço exame d na porta traseira

More cormac related links.Click here.

Things to do to ensure you don't fart on others...
1. Don't be a motherfucking person who farts near people!
2. Be female.
3. Stick a small house pet in the space between ass and dick and then make it angry.
4. Insert a large hose in your anal cavity and suck out the little fucker before he poisons the rest of the world.

Things to do to ensure you're not farted on:
1. Dont sit near Cormac and his hideous rotary cannon ass.
2. Fart on someone else first.
3. Be female.

Cormac just farted. One of those really bad morning farts where the whole clenchedness of the previous nights sleeping is released. And then he walked past me. I AM NOT YOUR FART SNIFFER!!!!! Yeeargh *stab*

Boink oinkedy.

A list of Masturbation Yeufasmisms! no euphamsims no euphamisims, no actually I dont wanna write down a list of funny things that sound like they refer vaguely to masturbation. If u dont like it u can hoot my nanny. Im still incredibly pissed at vodafone though. Its clouding my mind. Rage is completely taking over. I think I'll go punch the speckled bishop till he pukes in his hat if u know what I mean.

Yesterday at 1:51p.m. I went to my ATM to top up my futhermucking mobile. Here I am 24 hours later and still no credit. So I rang them, on a pay phone, u know, cos I dont have fucking credit and all, and the number you ring to inquire about shit like having no credit is a toll number. I mean what the fuck? Are they the dumbest fucking stupidest company in the world? Nothing really against Vodafone but if I ever actually have to pay money to talk to some limpwrist about why the credit I paid for hasnt managed to travel the short cunting distance from atm to phone I am gonna start firebombing limpwrist central. Is the whole vodafone company just some poorly hidden twat charity that gives jobs to ppl on the premise that they cant do any job, whether it be chief marketing executive or bend over boy at their meetings everyday?
Fundamentally
SUCK MY BALLS VODAFUCKINGFONE

So I have found a whole new realm of unpleasant hangover accidentally.
try 2 cans of Budvar 2 pints and a bottle of wine. like a little under my usual haul but still feel bad in an intestinal sorta way.
I didnt mix the beer and wine though. not in the same glass anyway

Got naked with 4 guys last night.
Twas fun.

When I sleep I can hear vampire bats sleeping on babies. The babies are quiet enough now. But it's been 20 years. Those babies haven't grown. Hold me.


dumbass.

Was up late last night thinking about the "Things that can suck my balls" card. A card isnt large enough. Or else I need to generalise. I'll try and generalise, because there's nothing more satisfying than handing someone a card telling them to go SUCK MY BALLS.
So. Lemme see. How to generalise... The World can suck my balls? Maybe a list of things that dont have to suck my balls would be shorter.... People who make/get me/have gottten me munchies, beer, porn, illegal narcotics, and good music do not, yet have to suck my balls. All others, I may call in the ball suckage at any time, in any place.

No seriously though. When God made Jamie Oliver he was taking the piss right? A mockney cockney horrendous drummer with a poofy little haircut who tells people how to put shit in a pan and heat it with something. How did stone-age monkey moron man fall into a kitchen and then some how figure out how to speak, some sort of rarely understood ancient toss dialect, and then they started to film the FUCKER? and Pay him money? If u pay me like you pay him I could live in a pre-historic cave everynight to practice drooling and smearing feces on the wall with my bare hands like that stove puppet.I think I've seen cows that are more intelligent than him. And I dont mean some sort of angeldust supercow, I mean a big fuck off BSE ridden slightly dumb drooling slackjawed cow with a vague homosexual air about her.

Final Year Project Suggestions Marathon begins now! I need help People!

Suggest defecation and the decaying process of human waste by shitting in your lecturer's mouth.

Suggest human/cheese interaction formalities and implications by pulling down his pants, and removing his smegma and whatever else with a pencil sharpener.

Patriarchal mating situations in the wild by sleeping with him/her for an A, B, C, D or just for the sex if you're a real mingpuppet.

The diagramatical context ridden world in which we live, or, in other words, get a small bunch of sadist neo-nazi's to carve a swastika on his head and then repeatedly anally rape him for 17 hours with every Hairbrush and hot iron the Brown Thomas Hair Brush and Hot Iron for torture department has to offer.

If anyone else has a desire for a cheese name u can just email me. If u look below the posts, you will see my name. If you were to be able to maneuvre the mouse over the name then click your mouse you would receive the manna of Email privileges.Hare hare Krishna krishna hare krishna krishna.
Dumbass.

I would like to announce that I am unlaminating my list of things that can suck my balls to add in Digital Signal Processing and women who have nipple rings. Suggestions?

I am a 46% mutant 31% gay experimenter according to the spark, and I would rather play with bubble wrap for 17 hours straight than do any more of the spark.com's online tests no matter how psychologically accurate they ball licking well are. I mean really. No. Really. Look we've all been there. But have you ever stopped and wondered just how useful it is to find out how gay you are, or what percentage of a mutant you are???? Why does it even exist? I can see something in thespark.com's future. Fires. Started by sane people. As in someone who isnt from america and who drinks beer the odd time(If you're american this means an alcoholic.) And for fuck sake, no, I dont want to know how gay my friends are or get your wonderful weekly email keeping me up to date at everything going on at your tool of a website. Just burn in a feiry pit for all eternity.Art related to the topic

So feminism. Can we confuse the issue anymore? Let me see. Women want men to: treat them equally and not laugh when they cant pee standing up.And now they can wear our clothes but we cant wear theirs? Ive seen the future man. The future is a lesbian in combats and a bowler hat taking a slash standing up in a back alley singing "I am woman hear me roar" handing out pamphlets saying that no man can understand how superior women are until they have menstruated or had babies. There's the real source of all evil. Well I got news for you. We can fight back. Just by learning off this small list of things to say should you meet this woman.
1. Shut up and evolve. You bitch.
2. Please get up. I'm sorry (after smacking her in the head with a glass bottle that's full of your own cum and then stabbing her 437 times with a knife smeared in your own shit.)
3. Isn't abortion a geat idea?
4. Isn't the way women stay home and look after babies a great idea?
5. Isnt the fact that Emporio armani are now making clothes for overweight poor stay at home moms and their life partner of minimal signifance to you? You ugly badly dressed freak.
6. Uh... I hate to rain on your shit parade. But some people have real problems. Like hunger, famine, suicide, war and being near you, you insufferably large disgusting postule bursting on the surface of some freak planet far away from here where your kind are welcome you psuedo Nazi bitch from hell.
7. I think Germaine Greer's writing is flawed on numerous fundamental levels. But she's a real fine thing. I mean those tits...
8. I used to be a non-feminist. I thought women's place was in the home. Then I met you. Now I'm gay.

One thing that pisses me off about god is that he doesn't exist. I mean really. God. So if God does in fact exist, benign creator of our universe, where was he before the universe was here? Surely he had to be from a different dimension. That's like the only real explanation right? So on that other dimension, was he a complete son of a bitch and thats why he was kicked out, or was he a brave traveller or perhaps he got lost on a pizza delivery? I think God is like the BFG. Sort of a wimpy giant that built us to control us. But you dont know. Maybe one day some trillions of years ago some really really really incomparably massive guy rimmed out with the dregs of his pee, and we are just stemmed from urine on the floor of a ludicrously enormous clandestine public jacks. And just because you believe in god, you have to believe in:
1. Pre-historic inter dimensional time travel
2. That God is a fictional character written by Roald Dahl
3. That Kurt Cobain isn't in heaven
4. That he didnt do Mary.
5. That he and Jesus and the Holy spirit are in fact the same person. Right. What about when one of them wants a wank?
6. That some divine heavenly body has control over everything and yet Paramount comedy channel and the white stripes exist. oh and hitler and famine and that other shit too.